In Other Words

Thank you for this honour

You might not know it yet, but I am the new president of the world. Elected in full accordance of the law. I held elections with several nominated candidates, including myself, fondue and the little green men from mars. Everybody, except for myself, abstained from voting. Which I thought was very poor form. Therefore, by a majority of one, I became president of the world. About time two, if nobody even cares to cast their vote, then its about time somebody like me took over.

If anybody decides a recount is in order, they should know I’ve already had ten. Here is one more, just so that you’re absolutely certain its all fair and in accordance with the law. ‘One for Jelte ten Holt’ right, done. Thank you very much, now go get me a cup of tea. (In case anybody wondered, Fondue did try to vote, but he is a mouse, so his vote didn't count).

In case anybody calls into question my authority, I’ve used the ancient and much used English system of sticking a flag into the ground. Nobody has ever called the technique into question when they used it, so I don’t see any reason why anybody should question it now.

Admittedly, there is one difference. When they stuck their flags into the ground in foreign countries they had the advantage that nobody there had a flag yet. It would go something like this:
“this is ours now!”
“but, but… we live here!”
“Do you have a flag?”
“Well, no...”
“Well, you can’t have a country without a flag, everybody knows that, so since it was unclaimed, its ours now”
and the deed was done, England discovered India.

The problem now, however, is that everybody has caught onto that theory. so everybody has flags. Which should mean I can’t claim the territories (again). I found a very easy solution to that. I’ve created THE flag. It’s white. Since white includes all the other colours that therefore means my flag is superior to everybody else’s. Since its superior, its better, which means their flags can’t compete. Why have a superior army, when you can have a superior flag?

“We’ll shoot you!”
“No you won’t, my flag is much better then yours”
“oh! What an oversight on our part, please excuse us, would you take my seven virgin daughters as compensation for that horrible insult and, oh yes, please rule us”

I’m sure that the UN will soon ratify my decision and the world newspapers will declare me the new world ruler. Of course I’ll only be president for only one term. It wouldn’t do for me to be seen as a dictator. Fortunately I’ll probably still have enough time to do what needs to be done, seeing as one term lasts for exactly 100 years. I might run for office again, after that.

I think I’ll go away now and mediate on what my first decree should be. It should be something earth shattering. Something that nobody has thought off before. Like… ‘Thou shalt not kill’. That would put people straight, no more wars then. Yes, yes… that might well be my first decree. Let me think on it for a while, first, however.

posted by Symbol @ 13.6.04